I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
