I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
