i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
