Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize