so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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