Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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