Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
