So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
40s are totally the cure
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
