god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
