dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
