But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize