On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Every concussion has its silver lining
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
