I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
