it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
