i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
