Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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