what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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