Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
