You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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