i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
