ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
