yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
