I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
