I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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