I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
