you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
