i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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