How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
