so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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