By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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