You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
this is an emotional support booty call
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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