well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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