the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
