Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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