Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
