He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
