Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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