I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
