just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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