Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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