You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
