I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize