Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
