dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
