Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize