i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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