I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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