i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
