Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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