I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
