I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
