Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
