I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
