oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
