??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
