so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
