Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
