the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
