Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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