is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
