Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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