I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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