Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
