then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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