I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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