He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
