I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
