i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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