I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ugly people sure do ruin things
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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