proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
