I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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