I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
