I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Someone signed my nipple.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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