I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
