we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
false alarm. still invincible.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
