this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
