don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
